Finding Your Elusive Self

I’ve seen a glimpse of life.  Some would say I’ve had an interesting life.  Finding your niche, your calling, and ultimately your true self is a lifelong battle.

Once I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was young to help animals.  I was fortunate enough to have space and freedom growing up to have not just the German Shepherd that I was raised with, but dwarf rabbits, hamsters, gerbils, fish, guinea pigs, a small parrot and often found crawdads and salamanders in the creek where I lived.  Once I hit high school I realized that science wasn’t my strength and changed plans.

I have worked in basic offices doing accounting and other duties.  In 1992 I landed into the CAD field where I remained until 2010 when the industry changed and I could no longer find a job.  Employers wanted degrees and certifications that I didn’t possess.  It was time for a change.

I blocked out healthcare from my career possibilities because I seemed surrounded by it.  My grandmother was an R.N. and practiced into retirement on-call.  My grandfather was a pharmacist and also practiced into retirement on a fill-in basis.  Through some experiences with my late husband, I had a renewed interest in healthcare.  With my personality type I believed that working in a lab would be the best fit.  I returned to school full-time to work toward a Health Science degree.  Along the way it was suggested that phlebotomy certification could pay my way to finish.  This was wrong as the pay is not there and employers only want to hire someone with experience.

I again fell into a position that took me to Okinawa, Japan.  The work was boring most of the time with not enough challenge to keep me interested, but during the last month of sitting in my apartment I finally found myself.  I had nothing to do but read and listen to music and I read about a book a day.  I started blogging again.  I started writing a book.  I began following a number of authors that I respected greatly and surrounding myself with people who built me up.  I also began exercising and working out at the base gym regularly and fell back into my routine of hardly being able to stay away from the gym.  I was stronger mentally and physically.  I found my true self.  I had also been eating clean with local food.

Then I returned home.  My hopes of continuing with the company that sent me to Okinawa were quickly dashed and I found myself laid off immediately.  After being away from home for 10 months, I had a lot of work to sort out and clean up problems.  I also was overwhelmed with clutter and started selling everything I could put my hands on.

All this distraction, gradually going back to bad-for-you American foods, have me lost again.  I’m trying to find a starting point to find myself again.  I shouldn’t have to leave home for this search!  I’ve had it and can taste it.  I want it back.  I need it back to survive.  It’s a long climb up a steep mountain.  It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it once I reach it.

Have you ever found your true self?  I’d like to know your story.


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